I wasn't going to post tonight. These past two weeks have been trying on so many levels. I've been sleeping in, my eating has been off, and overall I feel disconnected from God.
Not that he is far from me, but the heaviness that has been following me around like my own personal rain cloud, has been trying it's best to take me back to a place that I've been fighting to get out of.
I've wanted to give up in many areas of my life, just in the last few days. I keep telling myself that I was comfortable being comfortable---all this trying to be an entrepreneur and breaking generational curses stuff...is for the birds.
Can I just be real for a second, sis?
I've had so much anxiety surrounding what God is doing in my life---from my marriage & parenthood all the way to operating in the gifts I believe he has given me.
I am frantically trying to keep walking on water but I feel like I would be better off if I just let the waves win.
But last night and even today as I wasted a full day in my bed, God reminded me that I need to keep my eyes on him. Like literally fixed, like literally staring him down, like literally ignoring all the chaos and those funky feelings that have been trying to distract me.
He reminded me that my future, in him, is good. And not in a "what is he going to give me" kinda way but in an "all these things that are going on around me will work out for my good" kinda way. Goodness that cannot be measured materialistically, but goodness that keeps my mind, heart, and spirit in the tender loving care of Jesus.
So, what do we do in moments like this? Well--
1. I am casting
casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. (1 Peter 5:7)
He says he wants it all, so I am giving it ALL over to him. HE CAN HAVE IT ALL! No amount of worry or concern on my end can change the situation anyway.
2. I am fasting
It may just be a day, it may be three, but I need to give the cravings of my stomach over to the Lord so that he can minister to my spiritual hunger.
4. I am praying
Praying and fasting are paired together in many instances in the Bible. I will be praying for God's strength, his direction, and most importantly the peace that only he can give.
Sis, sometimes we will have a moment. The key is to not allow the moment to overshadow our confident expectation that God has something good for us.
So even though I wasn't feeling it today, I pressed on.